Kia Ora whānue tokū e hoa.

My parents are Ngapuhi, my Dad Motuti marae Hokianga, My Mother Ngawha Kaikohe.

I have 9 siblings, myself and my 4 other sisters 5 of us are from mum and dad and the elder siblings are half brother's and sisters.

My te reo journey has been since I was a child listening to mum and dad speaking to each other in secret, I would ask what they are saying to each other they would stop speaking the WORDS, saying NOT for you, mum would crack me on the top of my head really hard with her knuckles, NOT FOR YOU BAD NO, but then on the other scale she would make us or me roll my tounge I'm my mouth vibrate, she would make me practice this and if I didn't do it right she would crack me on top of my head with her knuckles really hard and make me start from the start.

Many years after being abused by her and my other siblings we were taken into STATE CARE at that time it was call DEPARTMENT OF SOCIAL WELFARE 1976,

I remember because I had just given mum a Easter card from school and I had black eyes bruises and smoke burns on my arms.

So the rest of my everytime I have been part of kapa haka at school I felt unworthy and traumatised.

I am 55 now and still have trauma I came here to amari I can see I just cannot speak to the Almighty fully I have a learning disability that would love to learn please help me.

I find that my English my colonization speaking had a lot to do with the block blockage I have speaking te reo Maori and childhood physical abuse trauma.